Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You

I don’t know why, but never been a big fan of just idle phone chit-chat.  Don’t sit around talking to my mom, my girlfriends and not going to chit-chat with some guy I don’t know on the phone to see if he likes me.

Personally, if there’s something after a few emails or text that seem interesting about a guy, I’d rather meet briefly in person to see if there’s any chemistry, etc.  Cannot do that on the phone. I’m also a busy, working single mom, so even if phone chatter was something I wanted to do – I don’t have time.

If there’s someone who I’m interested in after we meet, I admit to this ONE failing and if there’s going to be a second date we can work out logistics via text and then in person he’ll have my undivided attention.

There is one such guy that will not take this as a directive and now calls me daily, usually after I don’t answer a few of his texts quickly enough.  He seems sweet, but I think a bit to desperate and perhaps too much time on his hands for me.  PLUS, did I mentioned I hate to talk on the phone? So my enthusiasm was beginning to wane already.

But he wanted to see me last Friday evening, but explained it would have to be later as he had some kid driving duties until about 8 pm. Perfect, I was going to be celebrating St Paddy’s Day with some girlfriends for “lunch” and would probably be hungry by 8 pm.  So I warn him that if Friday was the only day that worked for him, it would be after an afternoon of Guinness, etc.

The Girl’s Lunch started at noon, the texts from  “Another Mike” (aka A Mike) , began at 12:01:

A Mike: “Hey, when does lunch start?”

Me: “Now”

A Mike: “Pace yourself…”

Strike One!  I’m thinking to myself that this is not a good start – I’ve only been out with this guy 3 times, I’m Irish and it’s St Paddy’s Day. So I don’t reply.

An hour later….

A Mike: “My driving duties have been canceled, so free now.”

Me: “Let’s stick to the same plan.”

A Mike: “What shape will you be in?”

Strike Two! Starting to get annoyed that I guy I just met was monitoring my activities.  I’m single and with my girlfriends at an Irish Pub on St Paddy’s day and did not drive.  I don’t reply.

An hour later….

A Mike: “I can be there in 30 minutes.”

Strike Two and a half!  That’s 4 hours earlier than we agreed.  Now I’m annoyed and start seeking council from the other Guinness drinking girls, who pretty much are unanimous to voting him off the island.  But I feel bad cancelling at this point.

Me: “Let’s stick to the same plan.”

An hour later….

A Mike: “I’m ready to go….just need to know where.”

Strike Three – Batter’s Out! Three hours earlier than we agreed and I’m really glad I did not mention where we were going at this point. Not replying.

Thirty minutes later…..

A Mike: “Are you alive?”

WTF? Not replying now and he’s officially voted off the island now. Not replying, but thinking of a text that’s nice(ish), but cancels our later plans.

Fifteen minutes later my phone rings and it’s A Mike – I let it go to voice mail.  I read the Google translation and he apologizes for calling as he knows I hate it, but just needs to know the plan because he was done early today and really wants to see me.

If I wasn’t so irritated by him at this point, I might have thought this was sweet.  But it’s having the opposite effect – Strike four and A Mike is now on the trading block for another player.

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I think this evening isn’t going to work. But since it’s only 4, I hope you still have a nice evening/weekend.”

A Mike: “No worries. I’ll touch base when you get home to reschedule.”

At least he optimistic. Several more texts are sent throughout the evening, but I’ve now put my phone in my purse and don’t read them until later. I figure at this point there wasn’t a need to reply and I’ll send him a followup in the morning.

6:30 am Saturday morning…..

A Mike: “Good morning.  How are you feeling?”

I’m still sleeping, so I rollover and don’t reply.

Noon Saturday….

A Mike: “Good Afternoon.  How are you feeling?”

Noon Sunday…..

A Mike: “Good Afternoon.  How are you doing?”

Me: “Good”

A Mike: “What did you do yesterday?”

Me: “Went out and celebrated St Paddy’s Day again.”

A Mike: “You really celebrate this St Paddy thing to death.”

No reply.  I didn’t happen to mention that I was out with another guy on a 5th date that passed the St Paddy’s Day test – was a wonderful evening and thinking it’s time to concentrate on the first string player and nicely tell A Mike that we’re not a match.  But before I do….

A Mike: Hope you had a good day.  What’s your week look like? Am I ever going to get to see you again”?

It’s time to reply, but before I do my phone rings.  Ugh, it’s him. Let it go to voice mail as I need a minute to gather my thoughts. However, in the meantime my brother and his family arrive for Sunday lunch.

Me: “At lunch with my brother and family today celebrating St Paddy’s Day.”

There’s is where I left it.  What should I do?  It’s only been a few dates, all very casual and nothing intimate.  Can I tell him I’m not interested via text?  Must I call him?

What should I say?  That he chased me too much, too soon that it was irritating and claustrophobic?   That I met someone else that I want to see how it works out? Both of the former are true.

Or a gentle lie?

Your time to give me advice.


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Joe Namath

Men Don’t Wear a Pelt on First Date

Wow, I realize it’s been awhile since my last blog.  I’ve been dating on Match for 11 months now and am up to 20 men and I had a friend challenge me to see if I could get up to 25 in the last month.  For some reason she thought that 2 per month, plus a bonus guy would be an achievement.  Of course, she’s been happily married for years and so easy for her to say – she doesn’t know how much work this dating this is for us gals.

So this last month has been busy, but not sure I’m going to hit 25 – because I’ve found 3 guys I like and need to focus on if any of them have long-term potential.  I’ll keep you informed on progress in next blog.  I’m going to now tell you about the 4th guy I dated in the last month, that DID NOT make the cut – they do make the best stories.

First of all, this guy is older than I would normally date, but he seemed charming and was fairly local.  I met him for a drink at a local wine bar around 6 pm and I had already made the excuse that I couldn’t stay out late, since it was a school night.  Of course, he didn’t know that I had just driven from a late lunch date with another first meeting beforehand, and there’s only so much small talk I can handle.

I must confess that I’m usually 10 minutes fashionably late, but I think this gives a guy time to find a seat at the bar, etc.  But the first strike is that I get there and am left waiting at the bar for another 20 minutes. (In fairness, he did text saying he was running late.)

In walks the guy that I recognize from the profile picture, but he forgot to mention that he would be the guy wearing a giant dead animal on his back and head!  It was cold, but I’m not sure I can handle a middle-aged guy sporting a fur coat. (Sorry Joe Namath!)

So this guy takes off his pelt and sits down, noticing that I’ve already ordered a glass of wine and make a comment about me not being able to wait – he’s officially 30 minutes late at this point.  But he put 2 red plastic charity bracelets on the table for some reason and summons the bartender to order his drink.

We have a somewhat enjoyable conversation, but it’s obvious to me that there’s no chemistry but he’s talks about his charity work with the Rotary Club, etc., and I guess that he’s going to give me a red bracelet to support some good cause at some point.

We order another glass of wine and after which he tells me he thinks I’m cute.  Well, how do I get out of this I wonder? Fortunately, a kid has texted about something minor but I can use as an excuse for an emergency at home.

So we ask for the check and before I can offer to pay my share, he asks the bartender if she noticed his 2 red bracelets – I guess they’re good for a free drink each!  She comments that she didn’t know that anyone still had them, it was a promo from 3 years ago, but since he brought them, he’d get half the drinks for free.  At this point, I’m thinking I don’t need to offer to pay my half for the remaining $20, but caveman suggests that he’s willing to pay this time as long as I promise to pay next time.

Next time?  There’s not going to be a next time for a guy that supposedly makes six figures wanting to make sure that I pick up the next $20 tab – but will probably be more, since I won’t have any cheapskate bracelets!

This was 2 weeks ago and he did text me two Fridays ago saying he was going to be at the same venue in 30 minutes, did I want to meet him and a friend there.  Thirty minutes notice on a Friday evening, is he joking?  Even if I wasn’t doing anything, would take me 60 minutes to get ready.  I politely told him that I did have plan for the evening.

Just got a text from him about an hour ago saying that he was going to be near me tomorrow and that perhaps we could meet at Panera for lunch.  I live near 10-20 lovely places for lunch, but I’m guessing he must have qualified for a free soup & sandwich on his Panera card.

I respectfully declined!

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It’s my responsibility to lie

As we screech towards Valentine’s Day this week, I’ve been researching others’ online dating stories and specifically on the lies women have told and the rational given by men.

As you can guess, I’ve had an incredible amount of stories submitted by women and will be featured soon.  However, one brave man did reply to my request for information and provided this unedited “insight”.

I only lie about my age on online profiles. 

Why? People have automatic assumptions about what a particular age looks like, acts like, is like, and that is certainly a useful rule of thumb, because statistically this tends to be somewhat accurate.  However this leaves us who do not fit that model out in the cold. 

Those of us exceptional individuals, only exceptional because we may have worked hard to resist the degradation of time, must for practical reasons, lie in order to bypass the natural prejudices others reasonably hold.

When I offer to strangers my true chronological age, they are most often taken aback, and so demand to prove my age. I appear and act about 20 years younger biologically and psychologically than I am chronologically. So when online profile age preference settings – looking for “from age x to age y” I get filtered out and overlooked to the detriment of my own pursuits, as well as the women that would otherwise find this to be a very valuable and rewarding connection.

So in an oblique way, it is my responsibility to lie.

It’s his “responsibility to lie” so as to save us women from ourselves and not miss out on this guy – a “very valuable and rewarding connection”.

Thank god this guy is looking out for us women, as we certainly have no idea what we really want.  We really want and deserve more liars!


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The dating adventures of a midlife single mom and the men she meets and the stories they tell.